Enjoy your life. :)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Dan and I reached some sort of 'break' in our relationship yesterday when we, or should I say, I, delved into the deeper issues we've been facing in our relationship lately. I had always wanted to talk to him about these things, but for some reason, it's always been so difficult for him to understand them, and so as a consequence, I feel like we've always only been able to deal with them in spurts, as well as only been able to touch the surface of the subject-matter and not explicate the situation.

I've definitely been the one who has compromised more than he has in this relationship. I am more unhappy in the relationship than he is. How can I be happy if I feel like he doesn't truly understand me? Which limits my potential to be who I really am in this relationship. Even when it comes to the little things, such as what nicknames we use with each other, I just feel like it's been a very slowly progressing relationship, in regards to understanding who I am as a person. I was appalled to hear him say such things as thinking it is okay and normal that it is a slowly progressing relationship. That to him, it is fine, we are moving along this slowly. After 1 and a half years, he should be fine with me feeling like he still doesn't truly understand me? I was absolutely appalled that he would say that the difference he sees between me and him is that he doesn't think couples (between me and him) need to fully understand each other in order for a relationship to work. That it could work without that component?! Wth? How can a relationship work without first understanding each other? How can there be trust without understanding? How can there be any compromises without understanding?? I am so fed up with him. He proved to me yesterday on the phone that he doesn't truly love me. Our phone conversation ended in my confrontation of "how can you love me if you don't understand me?"...

There was complete silence for a good 7 seconds. I couldn't believe what had come out of my mouth. He couldn't answer something that confrontational. Things got very awkward and I chimed in an apology. He said that he "probably needs to go". and so he did. I was left with utter disappointment.

It's the truth. I've never felt like he truly loved me for who I was. I think part of the reason why I don't love him myself is because of this equation. We are both lacking passion in the relationship. There can be no romance when there is not even passion. All this time, I've been longing for romance out of him. For him to take the lead and sweep me off my feet. What I end up feeling is like we are more just best friends than lovers. We don't do things that typical lovers do. He doesn't take me out to new places, to eat, he doesn't treat me like his princess. He is merely just a shoulder to cry on. He doesn't inspire me in ways that I have been inspired by other men. He doesn't understand me enough to know what my emotional needs are.

I'm not happy with the way things are between us when we are in public. When we are in group settings. It's disheartening that he can't show me even an ounce of affection every time we are together as a couple in public. It's so bad that people who don't know us would never know we are together if they were to see us. We don't even make eye contact!! He doesn't truly love me. If he did, he would try to make things work after all our arguments. Heck, he would LEARN from them. But he never does. I've changed him quite a lot already. But it's still a huge work in progress. I'm sick of working on this relationship to make it work. It simply doesn't work. Why am I forcing it? We are two completely different people. I don't think we are compatible. We are simply two people who care about each other. And that's it.

He's so fucken stubborn. And passive aggressive. I can't deal with that.

Chi was here @ 8:25 AM [ ]

It's time to be bold about who you really are.

You should understand that being different is fantastic. In fact, rejoice in all those things that make you different. Ultimately, it’s not how you look or what group you’re in that will determine your success in the world. I think you can carve new territory, you can do something completely out of the box, and if it is an act of love and goodness, it will be completely embraced---as bizarre as that may seem.

If you have faith in your real self, you’ll suffer less. You won’t waste valuable time that could be spent on more important things. There’s no time to waste. It’s time to be bold about who you really are.

Be passionate about what you do. ** MENTAL DISCIPLINE ** Stay true to yourself. Be confident. Pre-program your mind for success. Success is the best revenge. Remember everything about everyone. THINK before you SPEAK. and LISTEN carefully. Knowing yourself is the essence of being alive. If you have a goal, you can definitely accomplish it. You can do anything you set your mind to. Break through the barriers of pain, laziness, fear, and mediocrity. You have the power of free will. It is never too late to be the person you might have been.

Life is short.

Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances, you just have to live life to the fullest. Laugh as much as you can, spend all your money, tell someone what they mean to you, tell someone off, speak out, dare to be different, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, pig out, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because when you look back someday, knowing you have no regrets it's going to be what makes you smile.
Have a good day!

Faith is the substance of all things hoped for. ** PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE ** Always act as if you are being videotaped. Always have good posture Pray (remember God) Read the news Take fish oil Constantly volunteer, do things, be active. Learn.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.